This week has been a bit emotional and stressful for me. Even though this week wasn't the most assignments/quizzes/assessments/lecture catch ups etc it still felt really bad. I guess lack of sleep + PMS + club + Uni +exchange application does that to me...
If it was last year I only had uni. That, I'm only responsible for myself and no one will criticise how badly I do. It's just me. Due to the fact that the things that I'm currently involved in organising isn't something that is only seen by myself/friends but it involves the WHOLE UNI that will be able to see what we're doing and criticise us. So there's been a lot of pressure to do well and present ourselves as a highly capable club. I know I've been spending a lot of time on the club (although I'm sure A spends even more time than me), and ppl have been telling me to give some work to the other people, but sometimes I just can't fully hand things over without worrying. It's sometimes better to do the job yourself than to let others do it.
I've been complaining a lot and I've been feeling really bad about it. But it feels good to tell some people about my worries. So I apologise to those that have to hear my rants and also to those that I've snapped at this week or hit (friendly/nonfriendly way).
I really wish that I could so everything that I want to do to the best of my ability and strive for perfection. Sigh... i'm too much of a perfectionist at times... not good... I wish that I didn't need to sleeep.
S thinks that I'm very picky... I didn't think that was true until now... But it's good to be picky right? If you're not picky them you won't create an end product that is the best or choose something that suited for you and your needs. And with people I'm getting pickier and pickier.... oh no.... I'm never going to get a bf now XD lol
Even though I'm stressed, I do want to continue to do this. I feel that I'm directly helping Japan even though I cannot physically be there. Also it's very encouraging to see that so many people, especially the first years, that are so enthusiastic. Their smiles are energy is what keeps me going.
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